Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
