well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
