Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
