Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
