It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
