you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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