I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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