come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
