you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
