She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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