I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
