The maid of honor just puked.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
there is glitter all over my balls
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
