Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
