my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
my liver is dry heaving
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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