told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
how drunk are you?
Several
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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