dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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