You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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