every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
whose ass print is on the piano?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
