why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
