Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
