While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
