I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
