We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
