So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
