Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
