bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
