Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
