feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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