it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
