Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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