I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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