Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
