i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have already put on my inside pants.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
