Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
