she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
