omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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