I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
