Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
