I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
