if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
