you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
