Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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