Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
