Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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