Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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