Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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