You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
