i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
