I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
