I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
