If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
